Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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