PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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