fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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