i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
