i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize