You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
