You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
