my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is Oprah even human
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
