Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
