He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
