I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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