Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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