when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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