im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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