Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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