I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
