just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
