I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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