We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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