I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
