I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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