if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
