i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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