Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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