Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I could fuck to npr.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
