..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
