I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
