Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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