I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
