I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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