I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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