The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
