I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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