i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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