Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
