I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
