There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
