My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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