franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
