So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
