the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
