So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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