Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
