Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
