Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
