Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
