He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
