You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
