Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
