Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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