Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
