I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think your dad took our porno
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
