kristin has been a bad kristin
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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