Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can't just leave with hair like that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
