well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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