thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
