The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
