Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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