Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Couch. On fire.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
