She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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