ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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