They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I will pee on everything he values.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
