Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
