Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
